I don’t often appear outwardly nervous and yet today, when I was “representing” Fit By Design at the Gran Fondo in a physical capacity, I felt outside of my comfort zone. You see - 'fat girls' are just not 'fit girls' in the eyes of the many.
By "many", I of course mean those small minded people (not you!, you're awesome) who figure I just practice eating all day so I can win big at the pie eating contest. One day I'm bringing home that $100 grand prize I tells ya.
Sometimes I forget that I have to go out into the public where people will judge me and make assumptions about me; whereas, in the safety of the Warrior Women tribe I am surrounded by such positivity that I can’t help but feel encouraged and not under the kind of scrutiny of the public eye.
This is not the first time these feelings have come up and it probably won’t be the last time… so as I waited to “perform” with fellow Zumba instructor, Andrea, I wondered if I would always feel this kind of fat/fit anxiety?
I saw several people with phones, taking pictures, and I reluctantly admit to myself, probably making videos. GAH!
All the while I am dancing and smiling, but secretly worrying that one day I will see a video of me shared on Facebook where people are laughing and mocking me. It’s an interesting thought that I choose not to dwell on too much.
Just because something could happen – doesn't mean it will.
Just because someone takes a video of me, or takes my photo – doesn't mean that it is going to start a fat bashing revolution on Facebook – and ultimately, if it did, it might be good advertising for our Zumba classes! (See you Monday nights at 6:45pm, River City Gymnastics, Kamloops)
Just because I am not the stereotypical sized Zumba Instructor, it doesn't mean I can’t and don’t give it all I can (and feel strong and sexy and awesome!) Because when the music is playing (albeit a bit too quiet today) I am going to try my hardest to channel all my energy into you getting us both a great workout –and this is one form of exercise that is burning off my fat like nobody’s business!
The most important thing is not to do with my size, or my ability to instruct. It is to do with that big leap outside of my comfort zone I call...." Fuck it. I’m doing it anyway."
We all need a little of that once in a while.
Here's my question to you:
What are you going to say "Fuck it! I'm doing it anyway" to?
I would love to hear your thoughts!! and maybe even see you at Zumba :)
Mother, creative strategist and health & happiness advocate. These are my personal ramblings..