Transformation Tuesday should be renamed Transformation bluesday.
Particularly when I look at all the miraculous body transformations, literally thousands of them on Instagram and wonder how do they look so different after losing over 100 lbs and how comes I'm still the fattest person in the room?
Of all the goals I have set myself over the years, the many, many, many goals - the one that seems the most basic, but so often out of reach is... Not being fat anymore. That's what it boils down to.
YES, I want to be stronger, and I definitely want to be healthier, but when I look at what I want in it's simplest terms; I really don't want to be fat anymore. It's not even that I want to be skinny. I just don't want to be fat.
The ULTIMATE insult
Fat is a bad word - at least we're lead to believe it is. It probably makes a few of you uncomfortable reading it. In a way it's the ultimate insult. It's a word that conjures up images of dirty slobs that sit around all day being lazy and not caring.
We made it a bad word in childhood when we called people "big fat liars" and we continue to put a negative spin on it - as if it's the worst thing a person can be. It's powerful enough to hurt us deeply if we choose to give it the power to.
Perhaps it's better to describe myself as Shapely? Curvy? Plus size? a BBW? None sound nearly as bad as FAT. Yet sometimes, when I think fat, I think of bacon.. and who doesn't love a side of bacon?
So how do I un-fattify myself exactly...
There's no amount of tummy sucking underwear that's going to make me look skinny. I get that. So how do I manage to fulfill this seemingly impossible dream. This is the bit in the infomercial where they promise amazing results in JUST. SIX. WEEKS. And yes, I'm throwing money at the screen right now.
There is more than half a year left in 2016 and by my calculations <insert random calculator noises here> I can lose 2 lbs a week, every week give or take, to total 80 lbs. Add that to the 120 lbs I've already lost and BOOYAH, I'll be 200 lbs lighter and my Transformation Tuesday is going to be a visual smorgasbord of incredibleness.
But wait, there's more...
Looking 200 lbs lighter is certainly going to be noticeable but what if that's not enough? What if I am still left feeling like I haven't quite reached my goal? You see.. the bit I haven't mentioned is all that mushy feelings stuff. You know, the emotional aspect of losing weight. The struggle of being happy with yourself where you are but always wanting to be different? If you thought losing this much weight was all calorie counting and squatting in spandex, it's really not. Sometimes the HARDEST part, is struggling to be yourself as you are and loving that person, vs wanting to be your future self and loving the idea of her more.
Although I don't see the transformation from start to end, this middle bit is ok. I'm transforming more than my body. I'm transforming my life - and that's the best transformation of all.
And how, exactly, am I doing it?
What I'm NOT doing is popping pills. I'm not starving myself and I'm not doing crazy workout videos I find on Facebook (seriously, you're going to break something).
Mother, creative strategist and health & happiness advocate. These are my personal ramblings..